Why You Should Give Me Something for Nothing

Dear Employer,

I am writing to you because I am concerned about my upcoming pay check. I'm worried that it's not going to be as much as I need it to be. I want you to know that earning a good pay check is really, really important to me. Advancing to the next level of this job is also very important to me. In fact if I don't advance right away and if I don't get a really good pay check, I run the risk of losing my government aid and of not being able to move on to my next employer which I really really want to do soon. You see, my whole future, actually, depends on this upcoming pay check.

Now, I know that I haven't been showing up for work very often lately, but I've been really really busy. And I did tell you at the beginning of the job that I had a lot on my plate and might not be able to be here very much. Surely you can understand that right? I'm just too busy to be here every day.

I also know that I'm behind in the projects you've given me and that I totally bailed on my group. So I'm hoping you'll let me start over with a new project all on my own--one where I don't have to bother working with other people, because that's really really hard you know--to coordinate schedules and to get things done. So anyway, I've cleared my schedule for this weekend so I can focus on this job. I swear I can catch up with everything you wanted me to do. And if there's any chance you could give me an extra project on top of it to do this weekend--you know, something to help me earn a little extra money--that would be great too.

And by the way, this is the best job ever. And you're the best employer ever. I've gotten so much out of working here. At first, I really didn't want to take this job. In fact, I've been fired from this exact same job before. But this time it's different. You really helped me get a lot out of it. Thanks for being so awesome. I know you can help me out here.

Oh, and I was only late about half the time. And once I got all my technical issues figured out, I was finally able to send in the work I'd been doing. I don't know why my computer crashed 7 times in the last little while. Oh well. I'll just make up for everything this weekend, ok?

Thanks in advance for the help I know you're going to give me. You're really swell.

Sincerely,

Your Employee